Missing you

There are the oddest times i miss you... and today was one such day. I wonder how life would have panned out had you been around... Would i be where i am today? Would you look at me and be proud of who i had become, or would you have expected more? Would you have been that strong shoulder i miss, or would you have dominated my life so much that i could not move? Would you have loved the chattering i do, or would you have shut me up? Would i have disappointed you when i fell in love, or would you have loved the guy just because i did? Would i be a different person than who i am today? Would i be more "acceptable" rather than the rebel? Would mom not have lost as much weight? Would sis be so insistently independent?

The first time i heard this poem read out, i remembered you. And everytime i repeat some of these lines, you are the only person i think about.
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Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
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I wonder...
... I miss you
...I wish you were around